Desaru 2013

Back from the beach. Desaru is really a soul feeding and laid back area. It is nothing compared to the tourist flocked islands or beaches like Redang, Tioman, etc. But the quiet environment, birds chirping and sea breeze is enough for me.

As the trip was organized by my colleagues, in the objective of just laying back and relax - I did most of the driving. Something I don't usually like to do. The problem with staying in a beach at Desaru is that everything else is quite a distant drive. The two short street of Penawar Town may not be suffice for those who just want to include a decent meal to fill the stomach. Thus, we drove to nearby towns, braving through quiet roads and palms on both side of the scenery for food. Tiring, for me none the less.That said, I did not complain much, but perhaps occasionally show the face or two subtly.

Anyway, the trip is still a nice one.

Just that when I fell asleep at the hammock on the beach after an hour of sun bathing and another in the pool, I woke up reminiscing the trip to Redang with my bros many years back. It was so fun with them, there was a lot of laughs, reading, girls with bikinis, guys in trunks, marine fishes and diving. We never really talk about anything negative but just things we ought to do - often excitement and anticipation.

But I remember back then, I sat alone at the balcony, quietly in pain but really do not know why. It's not that I was depress, but rather sober. It was a trip with a lot of people, but I feel lonely. The usual feed. Today, I felt the similar. With all the laughs, there was this sense of loneliness. I did a good job covering I guess. There was some conflict that should I share or not, but while my bro was busy with his gadget and recovering from his demanding job, it felt that everyone was just trying to optimise their trip. Someone's sour cream may just not be the right fit of time. Yada yada yada ...

I tell that I should make it easy on myself. It's really not that difficult to just kick back and just relax.

So the whole trip was not as bad as it seems. To be honest, the last few moments of actually having someone to just plainly notice me,just me being my own helped. It's not that I wanted attention, but rather a friend who just can connect in that soul level. So when the right company came along, listening to the type of music you listen to, just quietly sitting at the balcony watching the rain dew and sea breeze hitting you - it recovers. That someone who understands you soulfully, with gentle offers of sourcing for my long-mandarin songs and that little concern over lunch helped me realize that sometimes it's worth having someone close to heart.

Now that I am writing this post, it feels like I am such a kid. Perhaps I am. But life's a bitch if everyone just does their thing and forget that little allowance to create that inner smile for others.

Thank you anyway. Thank you for creating that inner smile in this trip very last minute.

The libran pharmacist

Taking my breath away. It is amazing how words of affection and also some attention can just stir someone away from being all bitter. I like it. Smitten a close friend called it. Have I begin something I myself am anticipating for a long time? Answers that I dare not demand but today, the jazz music sounds a little more light and is more lovely than the usuals. Am sure it wasn't the music, but the mood

Smitten. I am actually looking forward for the weekend, although it will be short lived but I could write a thousand love songs over again. It felt right, after 3 years and probably 3 different person... This summer breeze is not only a blunt breathtaking scenery but also someone with a lil substance and innocence. Those close friend who remarked smitten, today remarked him as someone worthy ...

Having told the truth that I moved on from the previous relationship and that I am so obviously happy and actually glow - I am trying to make it work without over promises and under deliver. But slow is an understatement when major and general decisions are made...

So where do I go on from here, and for what purpose... Others felt like a theses or assignment paper that requires acknowledgement and passing points, to top w lots of practice, tears and hardship... Mine currently felt like a fresh new air brought by a stranger wind...

And I like the fresh air