Milestones Recap

Anyone realise it is June already? And counting down 30 days - it will be half the year had gone by. I was just wondering had anyone actually achieved or completed their new year resolution? I remembered I am not a big fan of resolutions, and this year particularly I did set some milestones for the sake of having some mini accomplishment. To be honest, I kinda forgot them already.

Back in those days when I was in KL, every year is like a challenging year. From starting up a company, run it, earning back the capital investment, then letting it generate passive income, to owning a property, completing my masters degree and launching my career in a corporate world, this year is really like a set back for me. Some had asked me to take it a challenge to rest the mind, soul and body since the past 5 years had just flew by with all the work, stress and routine picked up to achieve my yearly milestones.

The past months, I admit I was really taking a breeze walk at the park. I self diagnosed it as recovery treatment for post syndrome in launcing one of Malaysia's most important landmark for tourism. But when the time flew by, and occasionally when I have time to sit and think - damn I been quite the lazy prick. If an assessment is done on my "milestone targets" (not that I formally set one!), I would probably score a voluntarily separation scheme.

Back to making 2013 a more productive learning year for myself, I set some personal goals which I absolutely think it is a piece of cake to achieve compared to the latter years. Just 5 things.

1. To bring my Japanese language communication skills to the next level. Status : Kinda in progress
2. To learn and master a new social dance. Status : Kinda all over the place with this progress
3. To save, live thrifty and diverse investment for future savings. Status : Kinda in progress
4. To really build my body and regain tone-fit healthy figure. Status : Seem to be in progress for years!
5. To be more environmental friendly and savvy. Status : Definitely. I think?!!?

So with vague and many kinda in progress status - I probably should shoot myself in the foot because if I ever look back 7 months later in december. I am sure most of the status is the same.

Here goes the pessimistic rocket launching to space!

Perhaps if I consider getting attached a milestone, I might had already achieve that?

4 May - Eve of Msia general election

In less than a few hours, I believe many will be casting their votes in Malaysia. It is said to be one of the most important election for the country as many can see, for the first time - the ever powerful and unshaken government coalition is on their toes. You can see with the amount of advertisement, tax payer moneys' they have splurge in the objective to fish votes. Aside the last minute promises, there's nothing much I think the government can else do to convince it's people. If they have done their job in the perspective for the country and its' fellow respected citizen - I believe they only need to do less at the time of campaigning.

As I sit in my best friend's bedroom transferring movies to my laptop and casually catching up with him, I can't help but hope that there will be some great news tomorrow about the same time. Being a pessimistic drawn person, I still think the government coalition will win. Change always takes time. Having that said, I am still not comfortable with that idea

It will be my first time voting. So, I will like to cast my vote for a governance of just. A government that listens, tell, educate and care his people the right, clean, safe and transparent way. I will be fulfilling my rights as a citizen to decide fates of future generation in my conscious heart, empathic perspective and open mind with the final decision.

I will like to take this opportunity to also claim that I am not ignorant and shall not be, something that some of you may have remember me for "washing" my hands on politics - deciding to never vote. I am going to go against my word this time around ...

The questions

Two of my senior colleagues today asked how I was doing at work? Ironically speaking, both of them asked the similar concern with the exact same tone and intention but only at different interval time. The answer I gave was nothing less than - discomfort. Most of the people ask me the similar question and to be honest, it sucks to give the same diplomatic answer when you just feel like using a katana, swiftly just slice open that someone and have a shotgun fire just as the body is about to hit the ground. Bloodied, splattered and blow into pieces.

But being the me I am, I smile cynically and squint my eye comically, walked away like a leo filled with pride.

I find it an absolutely pain soulfully having to be subjected to expectations and constant admiration of others but not having it recognized in the right way. In lay-human term, why do everyone in the office knows I deserve the promotion and recognition I deserved but nothing concrete is done?

Incompetency.

And so the close ones, the smart ones, the enlighten ones, the ever so supportive ones, the onlookers and the one with secrets asked to be patience. I wonder, how long can it last. It is exactly 12months + another soon if nothing is done. So it is only now a waiting game

I think the next time someone burped the question, especially the ones from work ... I will answer with a pinch of salt sprinkled into one's eye. Why not you ask the bloody peeps who is supposedly doing their work first, before the recipient?

And I will still smile cynically, squint my eyes and probably give a soft stepford housewive kinda pat on the person shoulder

Steroids

Steroids. Definitely a form of drug. Simple, you get hook to it mainly because it makes you look good. So if we were to categorize any form of driving factor for one to look good, you are basically on steroids.

This plain and simple conversation came about when I was having my second grande soy frap at Starbucks and there were so many guys, hunky ones with great body frame. It must be something they eat that I am not putting right in my mouth. Darn the youngies!!!

So, three guys sat at the corner was trying to decipher the reason why people with nice body gets the attention? Answer, steroids! Not the physical fungi/plant substance but rather the idea behind constant admiration of the current lifestyle's expectation on physique built. I must say, I want that. Shallow it may sound, I guess I am plainly human. And my other two friends is definitely in agreemenT

It is not like we are obese or boney, but I guess that is what peer pressure do to you. It gives you pressure and then the idea becomes steroids.

So here I am blogging about the idea, and my two friends are talking about this corset thinge that can make you look good. Sounds like Christian Andrew's muffin top underwear is up to something great after all.

Expectations

I have heard this word numerous time over at work, over coffee, over casual conversation, over road trips, over ramblings of unhappy couples and interestingly over sex too. It is a word of no stranger, especially when you are 28 and had lived in a realistic life of being in cloud nine and down under.

There is this common saying that never expect anything from anyone, because it always hurts.

Ironically, all of us know it is true but yet we will always expect. Are we motivated by actions of others, or are we just sitting ducks waiting to be shot down since it always hurts? How do we then predict how a person would act or react through his demeanor, behavior and lifestyle to manage our own expectations? Is it worth so much analysis only to find ourselves at crossroads? Trust me, looking at my promotional numbers is more worthwhile.

I do not know about you guys, but for me - what hurts the most is that I know what I am getting myself into and yet I allow the salt to just be rubbed onto my wounds. It is like putting your hand into a hot boiling pot of water. Pain? Crucifying. Worst - predicted

Then why do we do it all the time?

Could it be "hope"?  Hoping that one day, the expectations are managed professionally - suiting to answer every need, want, demand and void felt. Hoping that all the work we have done is paid off by a lucrative reward compensation, hoping that all the waiting will end up with a happy fairy tale ending, hoping that with all the good deeds comes a good christmas gift, hoping that with all the high notes I hit I bring back the champion title for best singer ...

I hate this feeling. Really. Especially when it comes to very hopefully stuff. So we are driven by motivation of how others may manage us in hope of a better self-inflicted feeling??? Just like bosses, you manage them well - you get huge bonuses. Mismanaged them, black book for life.

Life is tough already and when you allow yourself to be managed that way. You will go bonkers and start writing nonsensical post at ungodly hours of the day.

I should be tucking in soon. I hate expectations by the way. But I do it.

Just like now, I expect my staff to do my work tomorrow because I will be a zombie at work and I know they will not. I can already feel the pain of incoming work...