June gone! oMG

I am back in JB. As I lie here in my bed  wondering what had happened for the past few weeks, I came to a conclusion that the older ones' life gets - the faster time passed by. I am very certain that many of you readers will find similar note either on My Facebook status or even in my past posts. Anyway, can you believe it?!?! It's almost half the year had passed!!

The past few weeks had been crazy for me. Extensive travel and extremely busy with work had most of my time occupied. This June, with only 3 weeks passed had nothing but hectic lifestyle. I feel like a celebrity really! With the back and forth travel to KL, doubling as a good son and friends, to doubling up as a good manager and new project leader at work, to having to spend equal quality time with friends, best friends who wants to connect... And not to mentioned the body breaking down demanding for rest and peace of mind. 

Then the weather was turning crazy. The rain, the heat and the combination of both, altering temperament of environment was one way of frustration. As the thick haze creeping from Indonesia continues to polute its neighboring countries, I can feel the shortbreath and side effects that it could to both to business and health. The add ons were bonus, the sleepwalking, the jaydreaming, the little ghost stories, the OMGs jaw dropping exposures and the rest were history. I, at this juncture is impressed by how faith and fate had intertwined all the happenings to just appear in less than a month.

June is definitely a busy month. Both for my body and head... Please let the reamining days be peaceful but I doubt it...

The fast passed week

After the whole week of mourning and sulking over the election results, many of us have passed the stage of chnging our black profile pictures back to normal, resuming life in this country where obvious cronies rule unethically. Enough politics for the week, life has resume its pace.

This week, is the a lot of things to do week. Monday started with a big bang in the head... A blue and blur one. Quickly time passed and within the few hours of getting time spent w SC after work wasn't quite enough, I feel so bad that I did not spend more time, quality time. But seeing him soundly resting next to me now was a relief. He has departed to dreamland, often the latter ...I believe this is the second time, the first was on 20th April last month @ MO. It felt good I must say. It felt comfortable and sinfully pleasant. 

I often wonder how it will feel like the next few days without the company. I have to say the past few days has been nothing but joy. Having someone to company you. Having someone to find comfort in you. Having someone for someone. Time was easier to fill and things tend to move faster, especially when it comes to shopping or grocery marketing ... Buying for each other and often checking with each other for decision making... Sweet I must say

Enough said, perhaps I should post next  week...just to check and update on status huh...

Work is a joke!

Quarter 1 ended with a nice blast. A blast I only will like to celebrate with my ever committed assistance who has put up with my temper, my utterly weird personality and my post stress syndrome. Although we did fairly well for the portfolio, I cannot help but feel three major negative connotes emotion that could break me, my team and spirit moving forward. It's fear, disappointment and through with shit

People or friends who know me well, recognizes that I am not a fragile and uncertain person when it comes to work or career. The last time when people take me for granted for ,y ability at work in vice with age, I obtain my masters and consecutively worked in a full time in a management role to prove that I am a no-nonsense business professional. My lack of experience in the field, I make it up w my knowledge in reading, case studies, networking and practical application. I like the right pressure and push, not the typical comical politics at work.

I really do enjoy my work initially, but the past months has been challenging for me. I realize I am filled with negativity. I feel distance and just a robot at work. There is this urge for me to stop what I do and just drop the act. I set new goals, renew strategies of staying at work, learn to deal with devils advocate and constantly reminded of the greater responsibility of a manager a leader (which I am not actually in terms and papers) in hope to find a light beam to continue my existing career.

But when the person credibility and integrity is questioned, constantly treated as a disposition rather than recognition, it saddens me. The emotion and rambles that is expressed turns to disappointment with series of event, occurrence of situations that are mostly head shaking, soulfully tiring and mentally insulting. My sensitivity and ability to grasp situational analysis very well tires me when one leader (or few) starts-acting like a kid excerpting unrealistic, wasteful demands which then eats positive innovative energy.

Deep I know. Lets simplify it then.

Fear brews as expectations are higher now and parallel workloads w stress are climbing, but reward and recognition is questionable. To make matters worst, reputation and credibility is then challenged constantly in daily routine work, sometimes just a joke one will say! Tiresome tops with emotional grunts as well as imbalance EQ judgement leads to disappointment. Yes' me! And soon, the "through with shit" phase comes in! And all will be too late... Too late

So, is it time yet?

Rumba Class

Officially finish 18weeks of Rumba dance classes today. It was a very fun few finale lessons as we were put to the test in technique, execution and leading partner. I had lots of fun. One of the few ways I feel that I am feeding my soul. I do not know why, work is just plain work for me these days. Draining. Tiresome. Routine.

So when it comes to my Wednesday night, it's the usual dinner and practice for Rumba. Many times I doubt myself in a slow dance. Am so used to popping, hip dancing and hop grooving. So having to slow down each butt hip is something quite a challenge for someone who had retired from social dance scene since 5 years ago.

I wonder what is installed next week? Teacher had pre shown a new dance genre called jive. I wonder, will it be fun? It is definitely a faster pace and instead of a slow 4 beat step, hip. It's a 8 fast beat step skip. Hmmm

The questions

Two of my senior colleagues today asked how I was doing at work? Ironically speaking, both of them asked the similar concern with the exact same tone and intention but only at different interval time. The answer I gave was nothing less than - discomfort. Most of the people ask me the similar question and to be honest, it sucks to give the same diplomatic answer when you just feel like using a katana, swiftly just slice open that someone and have a shotgun fire just as the body is about to hit the ground. Bloodied, splattered and blow into pieces.

But being the me I am, I smile cynically and squint my eye comically, walked away like a leo filled with pride.

I find it an absolutely pain soulfully having to be subjected to expectations and constant admiration of others but not having it recognized in the right way. In lay-human term, why do everyone in the office knows I deserve the promotion and recognition I deserved but nothing concrete is done?

Incompetency.

And so the close ones, the smart ones, the enlighten ones, the ever so supportive ones, the onlookers and the one with secrets asked to be patience. I wonder, how long can it last. It is exactly 12months + another soon if nothing is done. So it is only now a waiting game

I think the next time someone burped the question, especially the ones from work ... I will answer with a pinch of salt sprinkled into one's eye. Why not you ask the bloody peeps who is supposedly doing their work first, before the recipient?

And I will still smile cynically, squint my eyes and probably give a soft stepford housewive kinda pat on the person shoulder

Steroids

Steroids. Definitely a form of drug. Simple, you get hook to it mainly because it makes you look good. So if we were to categorize any form of driving factor for one to look good, you are basically on steroids.

This plain and simple conversation came about when I was having my second grande soy frap at Starbucks and there were so many guys, hunky ones with great body frame. It must be something they eat that I am not putting right in my mouth. Darn the youngies!!!

So, three guys sat at the corner was trying to decipher the reason why people with nice body gets the attention? Answer, steroids! Not the physical fungi/plant substance but rather the idea behind constant admiration of the current lifestyle's expectation on physique built. I must say, I want that. Shallow it may sound, I guess I am plainly human. And my other two friends is definitely in agreemenT

It is not like we are obese or boney, but I guess that is what peer pressure do to you. It gives you pressure and then the idea becomes steroids.

So here I am blogging about the idea, and my two friends are talking about this corset thinge that can make you look good. Sounds like Christian Andrew's muffin top underwear is up to something great after all.