Settling or setting?

It's been some time. Wanted to sit at a cafe to post today but ended up napping for 3 hours in the day. Thanks to the rainy, cold weather this morning. It's the typical Sunday here in Johor, where I did nothing but catch up a lil on cooking, reading and cleaning. Of course, I did a bit of jogging and to pass time, iPad and TV helped. It's like a routine once a month, I will just sit back relax and perform domestic activities like mentioned.

Having time was a little fun too except that I did not manage to work on my song. Lyrics however you put it. Left my Lappie back in KL to be sent for repair (hopefully not too exp) and once I get the machine back - I should be finishing the lyrics soon. Being at this age and with the commitments at hand, I find it more difficult for me to just sit and get inspiration to write

I also plan to restart my part time job of uploading pics to royalty free site for passive income. The photo taking, editing, keywording, uploading and managing entire process is a bit heavy and the efforts required, to develop good commercial generating jncome photos seem to be quite the challenge for me. But I know it's worth the investment for passive future income. I have the lighting whom I believe the effect and all will help. So it's only picking the right date to start... Hopefully soon with some encouragement from my inner suppressed passion for photography ...

Am also seeking to brush up my Japanese. Am kinda desperate to master the language. I believe there is a huge market for the jap speaking professionals especially being Neighbour to Singapore. If I master japanese, means I can command 4 languages in my disposal for communications. Definitely an additional portfolio to my achievement... The only trouble and challenge is picking it up in Johor seems like a difficult task - classes are far, jap speaking friends are scarce and not to mention expensive

Out of all the things I mentioned above, either than different aspect of improvements I want to pick up in different areas, the similarity is that if find everything additional on top of work is difficult and a challenge. I have to admit, I aged. Long gone the days when things are easy and just quick to manage. Gone I must say. Everything these days are hard, losing fat to put on weight, the commitment of working out at the gym, the push to seek better opportunities and advancement, the ability to stay focus, the creative roadblocks frequent the mind and having to often to doubt myself or to be outside the box compliments the orthodox of just finding excuses and procrastinate.

So I guess I better get some things done and motivate myself before I fall into the comfort zone of just aging slowly, and maturing content-fully without improvement

Damn the stress in life.

Scalp Care and home remedy

Lately, I have been having some challenges with my skin. My scalp is reddish with spots and often flake. Upon reading more and seeking advices from friends, some factors to look into is to provide proper health to your scalp, something which I have neglected. Some quick points to look after

1. Always swap between two shampoos that suits your needs. This is to prevent the scalp from accustoming to a particular shampoo. Combination of the few will help throw a perfect balance into the scalp. For me, I am going to start using a PH balance shampoo to restore my scalp's PH and alternate between a milder dandruff control shampoo. 

2. Never ever massage the conditioner directly on to the scalp. A mistake I regret thinking that it helps smoothen the hair. I shall now only massage with luke warm water after the shampooing and conditioning. 

3. Reduce harsh treatment, coloring, texturing, applying hair products with peroxide or alcohol content items. Do note that hair stylist and scalp therapist is important to give you the good advices, since they are often your eyes - but differentiate them with sincere professional feedbacks as vis with making money by selling.

4. Refrain from using direct hair-drying technique. Best method to dry the hair is with towel, by dabbing and reading a book under the breezy fain. Let the scalp breath they say, the natural way.

5. Practice a one-day per week without chemical application on the hair. I use Sunday for these. Casual and chemical-free. This should include shampooing too. Unless if you go on an exercise regime and had expose your hair/scalp to dirty conditions. Then, ya ... it's like fasting. I heard lime with warm water helps, but ain't sure of the effect.

6. Change your pillow cover. You spend almost 6-8 hours of sleep, having the scalp rest on the pillow. If you have oily or even dry scalp, imagine the space and also body heat that ones disperse on the pillow. Should you sweat and wet the pillow, a change is highly recommended. Use an anti-bacterial care spray for extra protection

7. Vitamin E oils, lavender oils and olive oil can be alternative home remedy for moist but vary on skin conditions. Ensure that you read and research before starting on a regime. Consider grease, scalp conditions, allergies as well as lifestyle before you apply. You do not want to be donning a suit and tie smelling like a lavender farm in a business meeting

Some quick ideas for those who like to care for their scalp. Should itch and pain occurs on scalp, consult a skin specialist to avoid worsening conditions. Cheers

Desaru 2013

Back from the beach. Desaru is really a soul feeding and laid back area. It is nothing compared to the tourist flocked islands or beaches like Redang, Tioman, etc. But the quiet environment, birds chirping and sea breeze is enough for me.

As the trip was organized by my colleagues, in the objective of just laying back and relax - I did most of the driving. Something I don't usually like to do. The problem with staying in a beach at Desaru is that everything else is quite a distant drive. The two short street of Penawar Town may not be suffice for those who just want to include a decent meal to fill the stomach. Thus, we drove to nearby towns, braving through quiet roads and palms on both side of the scenery for food. Tiring, for me none the less.That said, I did not complain much, but perhaps occasionally show the face or two subtly.

Anyway, the trip is still a nice one.

Just that when I fell asleep at the hammock on the beach after an hour of sun bathing and another in the pool, I woke up reminiscing the trip to Redang with my bros many years back. It was so fun with them, there was a lot of laughs, reading, girls with bikinis, guys in trunks, marine fishes and diving. We never really talk about anything negative but just things we ought to do - often excitement and anticipation.

But I remember back then, I sat alone at the balcony, quietly in pain but really do not know why. It's not that I was depress, but rather sober. It was a trip with a lot of people, but I feel lonely. The usual feed. Today, I felt the similar. With all the laughs, there was this sense of loneliness. I did a good job covering I guess. There was some conflict that should I share or not, but while my bro was busy with his gadget and recovering from his demanding job, it felt that everyone was just trying to optimise their trip. Someone's sour cream may just not be the right fit of time. Yada yada yada ...

I tell that I should make it easy on myself. It's really not that difficult to just kick back and just relax.

So the whole trip was not as bad as it seems. To be honest, the last few moments of actually having someone to just plainly notice me,just me being my own helped. It's not that I wanted attention, but rather a friend who just can connect in that soul level. So when the right company came along, listening to the type of music you listen to, just quietly sitting at the balcony watching the rain dew and sea breeze hitting you - it recovers. That someone who understands you soulfully, with gentle offers of sourcing for my long-mandarin songs and that little concern over lunch helped me realize that sometimes it's worth having someone close to heart.

Now that I am writing this post, it feels like I am such a kid. Perhaps I am. But life's a bitch if everyone just does their thing and forget that little allowance to create that inner smile for others.

Thank you anyway. Thank you for creating that inner smile in this trip very last minute.

Life getting tough

I find my life very interesting. I do not know how others find theirs, but mine is filled with ups and downs. On occasions I think that I am all grown, mature in braving the ever-volatile corporate world, then there are times I behave just like a selfish spoiled brat.

Today as I drove to work, I ask myself why am I still in Johor? What was the driving factor that pushed an urban boy right into the heart of unknown, south, small quiet town? It was definitely not the magnetic Singapore nor it was the prospectus job offer or was it? Back then, what I got as an offer was definitely a taker. But in today’s expectation of deliverables and also the total revenue my portfolio brings in, I ask myself why did I sign up for a job, that is a two person’s job

No matter what I did, or how I do it – my immediate report have this weird look in her eyes. I am confident from day one, she will not be someone whom I like working with. Her more passive and nice approach, demeanor meant only a good. I needed someone aggressive, structured and more demeaning in a professional way. She utterly proves me right today when in a discussion, hinted that I only complain most of the time.

I guess it hurts a lil, probably a tiny cat-scratch that with all the achievement I have reportedly achieve in such a notice, it is never satisfying or recognized. I benchmark recognition with reward, both unpleasantly generic. So finally it took a toll. A human can only handle that much of unwanted stress. How can others look up to you but when it comes to your own report, looks weirdly at you.

I had decided to scout for greener field. Although I want to stay a little longer, but I reason – there is almost no point. With the amount of workload, and the diversion from my intended career goal – I need to find a structure environment and a seasoned boss who appreciates my input in the manner where I am credited for my achievement.

My only inner conflict is the battle for balance, culture shock and readiness to trade off my comfort zone. Nothing beats a company that you have build reputation, but nothing beats a challenging and constantly emotionally draining reputation.

Work is a joke!

Quarter 1 ended with a nice blast. A blast I only will like to celebrate with my ever committed assistance who has put up with my temper, my utterly weird personality and my post stress syndrome. Although we did fairly well for the portfolio, I cannot help but feel three major negative connotes emotion that could break me, my team and spirit moving forward. It's fear, disappointment and through with shit

People or friends who know me well, recognizes that I am not a fragile and uncertain person when it comes to work or career. The last time when people take me for granted for ,y ability at work in vice with age, I obtain my masters and consecutively worked in a full time in a management role to prove that I am a no-nonsense business professional. My lack of experience in the field, I make it up w my knowledge in reading, case studies, networking and practical application. I like the right pressure and push, not the typical comical politics at work.

I really do enjoy my work initially, but the past months has been challenging for me. I realize I am filled with negativity. I feel distance and just a robot at work. There is this urge for me to stop what I do and just drop the act. I set new goals, renew strategies of staying at work, learn to deal with devils advocate and constantly reminded of the greater responsibility of a manager a leader (which I am not actually in terms and papers) in hope to find a light beam to continue my existing career.

But when the person credibility and integrity is questioned, constantly treated as a disposition rather than recognition, it saddens me. The emotion and rambles that is expressed turns to disappointment with series of event, occurrence of situations that are mostly head shaking, soulfully tiring and mentally insulting. My sensitivity and ability to grasp situational analysis very well tires me when one leader (or few) starts-acting like a kid excerpting unrealistic, wasteful demands which then eats positive innovative energy.

Deep I know. Lets simplify it then.

Fear brews as expectations are higher now and parallel workloads w stress are climbing, but reward and recognition is questionable. To make matters worst, reputation and credibility is then challenged constantly in daily routine work, sometimes just a joke one will say! Tiresome tops with emotional grunts as well as imbalance EQ judgement leads to disappointment. Yes' me! And soon, the "through with shit" phase comes in! And all will be too late... Too late

So, is it time yet?