Life getting tough

I find my life very interesting. I do not know how others find theirs, but mine is filled with ups and downs. On occasions I think that I am all grown, mature in braving the ever-volatile corporate world, then there are times I behave just like a selfish spoiled brat.

Today as I drove to work, I ask myself why am I still in Johor? What was the driving factor that pushed an urban boy right into the heart of unknown, south, small quiet town? It was definitely not the magnetic Singapore nor it was the prospectus job offer or was it? Back then, what I got as an offer was definitely a taker. But in today’s expectation of deliverables and also the total revenue my portfolio brings in, I ask myself why did I sign up for a job, that is a two person’s job

No matter what I did, or how I do it – my immediate report have this weird look in her eyes. I am confident from day one, she will not be someone whom I like working with. Her more passive and nice approach, demeanor meant only a good. I needed someone aggressive, structured and more demeaning in a professional way. She utterly proves me right today when in a discussion, hinted that I only complain most of the time.

I guess it hurts a lil, probably a tiny cat-scratch that with all the achievement I have reportedly achieve in such a notice, it is never satisfying or recognized. I benchmark recognition with reward, both unpleasantly generic. So finally it took a toll. A human can only handle that much of unwanted stress. How can others look up to you but when it comes to your own report, looks weirdly at you.

I had decided to scout for greener field. Although I want to stay a little longer, but I reason – there is almost no point. With the amount of workload, and the diversion from my intended career goal – I need to find a structure environment and a seasoned boss who appreciates my input in the manner where I am credited for my achievement.

My only inner conflict is the battle for balance, culture shock and readiness to trade off my comfort zone. Nothing beats a company that you have build reputation, but nothing beats a challenging and constantly emotionally draining reputation.